Giving before Getting

John Ploetz

19 Mar, 2015

As the weather warms, and the days get longer, the doorbell rings more frequently around dinner time. Sure they’re all good causes. But each one is asking us to give. What if somebody rang our doorbell this spring and instead of asking for a donation, offered to help out with something. That would be odd wouldn’t it? We always expect when someone comes to our door they will be asking for some sort of assistance. What if for once that wasn’t the case. We can start the change process. Instead of coming to the door with a sale in mind how about if we came with the sole purpose of giving someone, a neighbor maybe, something rather than trying to sell them something. Wouldn’t that be interesting.

1. What if we offered to just help out. Offered to help a neighbor by raking the leaves, mowing their lawn, or washing the car just to help them out.

2. What if we left that person with a positive thought. What if we just said “Hi” and let them know we’re right down the block if they need anything.

3. What if we thanked that person for being a good neighbor. Did they shovel our walk or bring in your paper when we were out of town. Let them know we appreciate them being a concerned neighbor.

4. What if we asked them what would help them out today. People always hesitate, but a simple inquiry might reveal something our neighbor needs assistance with today.

5. What if we left without asking for something in return. People always wait for that request for something in return. How about for once, leave without asking for anything in return.

6. What if we gave someone something of value. Dropped off some cookies, a pie, flowers or baked bread. Something just to brighten up their day.

7. What if we just gave them a smile and said “Have a nice day”. When we’re out walking just be friendly. No need to get into a detailed conversation about our problems.

What if we decided to give something without asking to get something in return. Wouldn’t that be refreshing and different. And maybe sometime in the future others would return the favor. What if . . . .

Handling Loss: How Do I Grieve?

John Ploetz

4 Feb, 2015

Throughout our lives unplanned events occur. Events that we are forced to face. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, each event is different yet each leaves us with a hole in our lives. How are we supposed to handle the loss? How do we move forward? How can we get on with our lives? How do we pick up the pieces? At first it seems like we will never be able to move forward. But there are steps to take that can help us move forward and cope with the loss.

1. You don’t need to fill the void the loss created. A loss leaves a void. A chunk of your life, how you spent your time, is now missing. You don’t need to fill this void. There is no way to exactly replace the void that is created by your loss. In fact, attempting to do so might leave you even more disillusioned and saddened by your inability to replace what was lost.

2. It takes time to mend. Getting over a loss doesn’t happen overnight. You may get frustrated that the mending process doesn’t go more quickly, but it takes time to mend. Don’t feel overwhelmed. A loss can be instantaneous, but a recovery from that loss is a slow process. Think of a loss like being lowered quickly down an elevator in a tall building. When you get out you’re down on the ground floor. You need to get back up to where you started, but the elevator is no longer available, you need to use the stairs. It’s slow going and takes time and energy, but it’s the only way.

3. Take time to grieve. Don’t feel bad about taking time to grieve. Part of the process of moving forward is grieving the loss. There are days or hours within a day where the focus is on grieving. If at the end of the day, you realize you haven’t accomplished what you wanted to do, don’t get upset with yourself. The time you spent grieving is still time well spent. Without grieving you won’t be able to move forward.

4. Find some outlets. Depending on the nature of the loss, you may want to find new outlets or hobbies that take your mind off your loss. Doing something new refocuses your mind to think about something other than your loss. New outlets can give you a new perspective and break up the time spent mourning your loss.

5. Do some things for yourself. Pamper yourself a little. Take a small trip, pick up a treat at the store, or do something you’ve thought about, but haven’t found the time to do. You are important.

6. Find people to talk to. Talking can be very therapeutic. Friends are fine, but they may not understand your loss. Grief support groups can be more helpful; these groups allow you to talk with people who are going through the same loss process you are going through.

7. The timing of loss is never right. Don’t dwell on the what ifs. A loss is never timely, but don’t think for a moment that your actions or inaction could have prevented the loss. There are so many variables to any chain of events that you can’t and shouldn’t analyze alternative outcomes.

8. The past is the past. Keep the loss in perspective. It is something that has occurred, that you can’t change. Keep your focus on the present so that it can turn into the future you want to see. Look forward not backward.

9. Grief always remains. Know that over time grief over a loss might lessen. However, it is always there somewhere in the back of your mind. Moving on isn’t about believing that grief is gone for good. Grief is part of being human. It is part of the human process.

10. Where do you go from here? Over time you will become ready to put together a plan of action to move forward. This may include wrapping up loose ends created by the loss and moving on with your life. This step is all about timing. Move forward at a pace you feel comfortable at, but embrace a willingness to take the steps to move forward even if they are baby steps.

Loss and the grieving cycle that follows is a complex process that is universal to people and at the same time unique to each person. Follow a basic outline and then let your own inner compass guide you through the process. Remember the past is always with you, but the future is what you seek.

Are You Ready to Embrace Change?

John Ploetz

12 Jan, 2015

All of us dream about how our lives could change in some way. We’re always looking for something better. We think our neighbor across the street has the life we want: two kids, new car, neat house, and the perfect job. We wish our lives would change, but we don’t know how to embrace change. We initially think that a simple wish will make things change. When that doesn’t happen, rather than embracing a path to make changes occur, most of us just continue to dream about those life changes, assuming that they’re unattainable. We just stay put where we are and don’t initiate any real change in our lives. We choose instead to maintain our current situation and continue to dream about other people who live the “perfect life”. Maybe as humans, “the dreaming” is our way to improve our lives without really taking any actions to improve them? We live better lives vicariously through others actions. We settle for the dream of a better life style, accepting the safety and comfort that our own inaction brings, rather than taking change head on. But it is a restless comfort that leaves us unhappy in the long run. So then, let me ask, what would it take to embrace change?

1. Change takes energy. We would need to put in some energy to carry out change, more energy than we currently exert in our current lifestyle.

2. Change takes focus. We would need to focus our attention on the changes we want to make.

3. Change takes goal setting. To get change rolling, we would have to set a goal or goals. We would have to set an end point on where we want to go.

4. Change is about breaking old habits. We can’t stick with our current habits. Certain habits would need to be broken to make changes happen.

5. Change takes realizing who we are. We need to understand who we are and what types of change we can handle. Do we currently possess characteristics necessary to carry out a change process?

6. Change takes understanding what we want. What do we really want? We must be able to write it down and verbalize it so we really understand what it is we are trying to attain.

7. Change takes understanding our abilities. What current abilities can we draw on to make the changes? Do we have the right personal tools: education, experience, drive?

8. Change takes looking inside ourselves to determine where we need to improve. We need to to be open to self criticism and evaluation.

9. Change is about striving to learn. We have to be willing to learn, learn new concepts, new ideas, and new ways of doing things.

10. Change is about being open minded. We have to be open to new ways of looking at things and embrace the idea that there are other ways to do things than the way we have been doing them.

Change is all about embracing a new lifestyle one in which we consciously decide to focus our time and energies on moving in a new direction of our own choosing. We must grasp that the same old complacency is no longer acceptable. Change isn’t for everyone. But, if you’re going to take the time to make changes you might as well take the steps to fully embrace change.